WCC writing challenge#1: Nobody's home

[KidGalactus]

Theme 1 is -Nobody's home-

A quick couple of things to get out of the way before I lay down the rules:

-You can interpret the theme in any way you like. It doesn't have to be the title of your script... in fact, it'd be kind of tacky if it were... but again, it's up to you.

-Anybody can vote. Even people that haven't submitted a story

-For our purposes we're defining stories as having a beginning, middle and end. That said the stories also need to be self contained. That means that we should be able to understand your story with no prior knowledge whatsoever.

-Don't post part of some script that you've been working on or a tiny piece of your magnum opus. I'm sure it's really REALLY good, but this isn't the place for that. Just start a new thread in the writing forum for it. Especially if you want help or work-shopping on your script.

-The page limit is five pages, that doesn't mean that you HAVE to write five pages, just that you shouldn't write anymore than that.

-One script per customer





Page limit-5

Deadline-3/6/2010

Voting begins Friday, 3/7, and goes until Monday, 3/8 at 11:59 PM EST

Voting guidelines

- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes.
- Please read all submissions before voting.
- YOU MUST VOTE in order to be eligible to win the challenge.
- When voting ends, the winner gets a collective pat on the back, and starts the new challenge.

Alright, now go write something!

[Funderbunk]

And, I expect, no voting for yourself, but that goes without saying.

[KidGalactus]

I guess you could vote for yourself... it just makes you a jerk

[GaborBoth]

Hm, okay, are we doing layouts http://www.mangafox.com/manga/bakuman/v07/c056/2.html
or scripts now? Layouts make more sense to me...

[KidGalactus]

It's the writing forum, so we're doing scripts

[Gibson]

Limit one script per customer?

[KidGalactus]

Limit one script per customer?

Yup, one script per customer

[Gibson]

This is a couple days late, but it looks like everyone forgot about the contest, so I'm posting anyway. Maybe others will be inspired to do the same. My entry...

The Lights Are On, But...

Page One

Panel 1 - A boat is at sail on the open sea waters, a storm is raging and the boat is rocking about violently.

Panel 2 - On the boat, we see the haggard captain, older than his years with sturdy brow and long sideburns, his cap pulled down to his eyes, a scar over his wrinkled cheek, with gnashed teeth clenched around a corncob pipe, he fights to keep the boat upright in the choppy water.

Panel 3 - In the distance, the boat tipping in the water, we see a lighthouse beacon shining through the rain.

Panel 4 - The boat is headed toward the shore where the lighthouse beacon stretches into the black. In the foreground, we see craggy rocks threatening to dash the ship's hull.


Page Two

Panel 1 - Close on the captain, mad and desperate. He sees the rocks and braces for collision.

Panel 2 - The ship wrecks against the crags, splintered and destroyed, the mast broken and the captain thrown free of the deck.

Panel 3 - The captain is prone on the rocky shore, unconscious. Bits of debris from his boat lay around him.

Panel 4 - The captain stirs, groggy as he looks up to the lighthouse above him, its beacon shining.

Panel 5 - The captain staggers up the walk to the lighthouse door. His leg is obviously wounded and his face is bloody, but he grits his teeth against the pain.


Page Three

Panel 1 - Leaning his weight on the door, beating his fist on it, the captain is spent.
                   Captain
           Come quickly, I need you!

Panel 2 - The captain waits.

Panel 3 - The captain beats his fist against the door once more.
                   Captain
           Come, lighthouse keeper, the matter is urgent!

Panel 4 - The captain spies a mailbox next to the door. It is filled with mail and has a note attached to the front.

Panel 5 - Close on the note attached to the mailbox. It reads "Gone fishin'!"

Panel 6 - The captain is now sitting on the front step of the lighthouse cartoonishly, frowning and crestfallen, his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees.

[Funderbunk]

I'm sorry. I was suddenly swamped with work and I just couldn't get around to it. This is the first moment I've had to even check the board, let alone write something.

[Gibson]

Hey, no harm, we all dropped some kind of ball on this one.

[TakaComics]

Man, I just wrote a great 5 page thriller upon seeing this thread, but now I don't want to let it out before finishing the comic. XD

[amanda]

Oh no, it's already past the 6th?  Where is my time going?!

[KidGalactus]

HAH!

Great script, Gibson.

I kind of figured everybody decided they didn't want to do this after all.

We'll try this again next week. Gibson, you get to host, since you win by default. Come up with a theme!


Here's a script I wrote, but which don't want to be considered for the contest:


Pg1- Setting: the palace throne room. Loafing area of great king Brodie. The walls are a deep maroon, and lined with many gilded suits of armor. Strung about the room are majestic banners trimmed in tans and gold.

P1- The thronerome doors explode open as Marisol a young peasant girl dashes into the room at breakneck speed. She almost loses her balance as she scrambles down the walk. Two of King Brodies guardsmen give chase.

   Himbold: She's trying to get to the king!

   Weatherbee: Is that a weapon?!


P2- The camera trains closer onto Marisol's face. Beneath insubstantial scratches and a small patch of dirt we see an untamed and beautiful face. Her hair is like coal and her skin alabaster. Her eyes are so bright and green that they should be the envied by every leaf and bramble that ever took root. She is irradiated by something genuine and full of wonders. Behind her we can see Himbold and Weatherbee, clearly miffed at our young heroine.

Marisol: Your highness! I have something important to show you.

P3: The camera spins around and finally we see King Brodie. He is a tall and disaffected man. Folded down into his throne like an accordian pressed in on itself. Behind his eyes flickers something too disinterested to be contempt or even annoyance. If Marisol is night, then King Brodie is assuredly the day.

   Brodie: GUARDS... leave her



P4: He leans forward. Clasping together his inhumanely long fingers.

   Brodie: Now, wench, what have you for great king Brodie?


P5: The camera looks down on Marisol as she looks up to King Brodie. One hand on her hips, the other reaching into her apron pocket.

   Marisol: The one thing you cannot buy. And the one thing that will teach your cruel, iron heart joy...

P6: The camera closes in on her hand as she reveals a single,  humble, but strangely captivating red rose.

   Marisol: LOVE (shows him flower)



Pg2-

P1The camera pulls back out and we get a profile shot of a disappointed King Brodie inspecting the flower, and an all too proud Marisol grinning from ear to ear
   Brodie: That is a FLOWER!

   Marisol: *Giggles*/ Yes... well it is only a SYMBOL

P3- She points to her chest
   Marisol: The love is HERE... inside.

P4- Puzzled, King Brodie strokes his grizzled chin. His jaunty crown slighty askew.
   Brodie: What?! LOVE!? Hand me this love! What is it worth on the open market!? How much does it weigh!?


P5-Marisol smiles and blushes
   Marisol:It doesn't WEIGH anything...


P6-King Brodie throws his hands up. Clearly annoyed now.
   Brodie: Preposterous. Such a thing cannot possibly persist!



P7- Set in her conviction: Marisol leans forward and gives King Brodie a face full of her plucky attitude.
   Marisol: What does anger weigh?/ Or Fear... or Justice?

P8- She crosses her arms and leans back, Flashing the King a smug grin.
   Marisol: Love, old man is real, though wary... and wise to steer free of a heart as...as shattered and STINKY as yours

Pg3-

P1- She starts to whimsically spin around, arms outstretched and her head back.
   Marisol:Love is the way a morning dew hugs every blade of grass and leaf in the forest. Love is the way the sun embraces the sky. The sea adores the shore and the way that I adore you, a heartless and broken old monster.


P4- King Brodie sits back. Somewhat bemused by this situation and folds his arms.
   Brodie:You would storm my throne room, with Fairy-tales about things that cannot be held, felt or seen, and then DARE to call me a monster?

P5-She hops forward with both arms outstretched behind her. As if she roaring her statement at the king.
   Marisol:Love makes even the meek bold.

P6-We pull in close onto King Brodie. Who's expression is somewhere between puzzled and tickled
   Brodie: You... are a strong lass... sure of yourself... and your frame STURDY.\You could make a good wife, if not for your flapping maw and relentless, what... what IS that demeanor, anyway?

P7- She climbs the throne and leans in close to the king. A positively radiant smile on her face.
   Marisol: Joy

   Brodie:Yes... it disconcerts me.

P8- The camera pulls back out, and we can see that Himbold and Weatherbee are now dragging Marisol off-panel. King Brodie, as disinterested as when we saw him first,  is waving his arm in a declarative manner and she's grasping for him even as she's being removed.
   Brodie: Throw her to the lions.

   Marisol: B-but I LOVE you!

Panel 9- Brodie buries his head in his hand, as if he has a headache
   Brodie: I don't even know what that MEANS